Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Profiles in Jamming: Benjammin Vs. Tacos


LATE WINTER, Sf - Benjammin finishes off an absurd amount of tacos with glaring determination that is more suited for combat or ripping notes. What is witnessed can only be that of a master showing true confidence in his abilities to out-jam anyone. It's a state of consciousness not recommended without proper training and certainly not easily attained.

Greens bears testiment. "Throughout the competition, Jammin' maintained an unfaltering stoic deadpan that was beyond intimidating. It said, 'eat another one, Steve, I dare you.'"


Months later we caught up with Jammin as he finished off the impossibly denied jam of El Metate and asked him to recall the events that transpired that evening.

JamZone: Jammin, can you recall how many tacos were initially cooked?
Jammin: 100 tacos were cooked initially, with 30 or so additional tacos cooked once things got serious.
JZ: Wow, seems pretty serious from the beginning. Must have been am impossible challenge from the start. So we have to ask, what was going through your head when you saw a vast ocean of beef and fried shell?
J: "I am going to eat more tacos than anyone else here."
JZ: Jamming can certainly be simply a frame of mind. Was there ever a moment when you thought, shit, this an impossible jam?
J:Never.
JZ: And for the record, what was your total taco count?
J: 25.5 tacos, plus half of a forkful of beef fat that I spread on top of the last half-taco to psych out my competition.
JZ: That is both disgusting and amazing and we applaud your feat of food prowess. How did you feel when the room declared you unequivocally the taco eating champion?
J: Unsurprised.
JZ: And we are not surprised. Champion jammers are generally humble about their eating exploits. Are there other jams you would like to conquer?
J: Any and all. Especially if they are delicious jams.
JZ: We concure. If you could do it again, would you choose chile verde from El Metate instead?
J: I am going to go with "no," but only if it's followed by "duh."

A true winner on all levels, Jammin is a consistant jammer who has skillfully demonstrated his concentrated reserve while flexing his taco might and, having completed this task, we the jamzone declare Benjammin the unofficial taco eating champion of San Francisco. He will challenge anyone within driving distance to a taco eating battle royale, so who wants to get whooped on? But seriously folks, we have been there for the Indian buffets and In N Out trips and we are telling you now, he rips food.

5 Comments:

At 9:57 AM, Anonymous half-later said...

impressive

 
At 10:27 AM, Anonymous 1/2 said...

after reviewing the statistics.. jammin.. you won by the skin of your teeth.

and greens competing with the females. classic.

 
At 10:57 AM, Blogger Greens said...

Firstly, I figured I had a better shot at not only winning, but scoring some digits if I stuck myself in the ladies bracket.

Secondly, Jammin' could have gone for days, but as soon as Steve retired, the competition was over and the tallying ended. In fact, I thought I saw Jammin' in the living room about ten minutes later just spooning left over ground beef down the hatch, but I could have been delerious from all the tortilla intake.

 
At 1:34 PM, Blogger Benjamin said...

greens has my back, but for the record, i only stopped at 25.5 (and fat) because my competition stopped at 25. those last 8 tacos were disgusting and i didn't want to eat any more than i had to. if steve had gone to 37, i would have gone to 38.

 
At 4:17 PM, Anonymous 1/2 lates said...

I will recognize your victory... but .5 tacos (even with additional fat) should not count as a taco.

 

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