Sunday, January 07, 2007

Jamzone Roundtable Discussion: Worst Fast Food

Recently, the Jam-Zone had a late night discussion about what fast food jams and what fast food denies the jam. Del Taco. Quiznos. Who serves a burger con chile rojo? Would you ever shit in someone's chile? Then the king of questions was proposed, where does one find the worst fast food?

It is 2007 but the players we are discussing have been in the game for more than a minute. Let's get right down to it jammers...

Quiznos. Basically their bread is shit and their toasting gimmick is over-rated. The only saving grace is their pepper bar, which is amazing! Pickles, peppers, and sauce. The general jam-zone sentiment is that Quiznos is sub-par and over-priced. Greens gives quiznos an unstuffed goon without sauce.

Subway. The tuna-salad sandwich is a questionable jam and the Seafood Delight is just wrong on many levels. Your safest option is the Vegi-delight, a guaranteed jam. The "sandwich artist" gig is complete bullshit as Subway mainly employs high-school drop-outs and people who don't give a crap about making sandwiches. Greens gives subway 2.3 fully-cooked goons. Grape concures, Subway jams better than Quiznos, giving them an enthusiastic goon for their bread selection but reminding faithful jammers, there is a reason people call the place "Butt-way."

Arby's. This place does jam and they offer tons of deals for cheap food. A classic and the sauce is so good. Rumor has it, their roast beef is made from a paste. But let's be honest, paste never tasted so good.

McDonald's. Breakfast trumps most criticism but King remarks "McDo's is still 1/10 the jam of Bojangles." Ben-jammin decries, "this is the worst fast food place around." He goes on to say "there is not one thing they offer that is not done better at other fast food establishments." Greens counters by saying that "McDonald's is solid" and thus we leave this one with you jammers. Overall taste seems to be the most heated detail of this argument and we will leave it with you faithful readers, does McDo's stand on it's own or are we witnessing the slow decay of a once Fast-Food king?

Wendy's. Back in the day, the Superbar was insane. A DMG (Dollar Menu Gauntlet - a fabled contest where-in contestants jam on each and every item on the dollar menu and winners are decided on both how much is consumed and how fast) contender, Ben-Jammin offers a quasi-credible aside about how "a kid in a show" once heard a story about someone dumping the days sweepings into the chile. Dave Thomas, although a rumored racist and right-wing bigot, did cook up some jams in his day and square burgers are classy. With a slightly fresher vibe, Wendy's is the OG of the Dollar Menu, never compromising quality for .99 cent representation.

Burger King. The Whopper does trump almost any fast-food burger out there. A consistant and flavorful jam that cannot be contained. Question, can you contain the Triple Whopper? Now that is a punishing jam.

Popeyes vs KFC. The KFC snacker doesn't deny but we will deny them the overall crown. Last we checked, fried chicken jams best on the bone. Sandwiches, fried alternatives and teaming up with Taco Hell ain't the answer fellas, and a chorus of agreement puts Popeyes at the very top of the Fast Food fried feather fiefdom

Roy Rogers. Roy Rogers is a sleeper and a jam most might not be familiar with unless you have traveled the I-95 corridor between Washington DC and NYC. You wouldn't expect it to jam and their burgers/chicken sandos are alright but Ben Jammin says "they shoot for the middle and they are consistently hitting it." Their fixins bar, replete with mounds of lettuce, tomatoe, pickel, onion, and a variety of sauces tips a hat to Fuddruckers and jams really, really hard. Grape as a wee lad once jammed a condiment sandwich which consisted of two-slices of bread from home and a stack of fresh greens, reds, whites, and multiple dollops of sauce.

A quick aside, Pizza-Hut pizza buffet with a rootbeer. Do Not Deny!!! Dessert pizza jams and although King ain't feeling it, the general mood amongst jammers is that Pizza Hut is an undeniable jam. (Soon to be discussed while jamming at Chuck E Cheese or Fuddruckers)


At 1:13 PM, Anonymous Brandy Himself said...

The tuna salade at Subway has the consistency of a milkshake. I think we should break this discussion down further:

Exhibit A. Burger/Fry Jams
Exhibit B. Quasi-Mexi-style Jams
Exhibit C. Deli Variations
Exhibit D. Pizza Buffets

I will also go on record and recall a sick jam from my childhood. The Fresher Cooker. Nice sandos on wheat bread with sprouts etc -- that's my main memory. I was very young. The vibe was granola crunch-fest meets fast-ish food and I do remember that it was good. Some quick internet research reveals there were only 30 or so restaurants at the chain's peak in the mid-80s. None to my knowledged survived. Currently, the original Fresher Cooker space on Bardstown Road in my Olde Kentucky Jamtown of Louisville houses a Skyline Chili. If anyone can attest to the whereabouts of a surviving Fresher Cooker, please notify Brandy.

At 2:28 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

Roast beef paste? I gotta eat at Arby's more often. I liked paste when I was a kid.

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